My darling reader:
First, I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you here. Thank you for dropping by, and for taking the time to chat – er, read. Well, we can chat too! Just hit reply on my posting or send me an email. Seriously, we can figure it out. I’d love to chat! Anyway, if you’re like me, you have a million other things on a very long To-Do list, and I don’t mean the honey-do kind. But this is really important. Because I want to talk about our, meaning women’s, health and well-being. A dirty little 3-letter word that gets joked about, and poked fun at, and discriminated against, SEX, is at the heart of all this. I know, it’s hard to believe. I mean, sex is all around us. And we talk about it all the time. But, and here’s the rub (more about rubbing later, I promise!), we don’t really talk about it. We talk around it. Or we think about it. Or, some of us don’t. But the tv and the radio and the movies and our friends and neighbors do, and so we’re surrounded by IT – even if we, ourselves, don’t care to think about it.
Only now I am thinking about it. And doing something about it, because of the thinking. And it’s made such an incredible difference in my life that I want to tell you about it too. This isn’t a secret. No, not at all. It’s so powerful that I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want all my girlfriends, and their girlfriends, and their girlfriends too – to see why sex, good sex, with ourselves!, is the single most important thing we can do. If you’re thinking this sounds crazy, I know. But please, for your mental and physical health, because pleasure is positive, please hear me out on this. Oh, and if you’re not female, you can stay and chat too. You’ll probably learn a few things. Then share this with your girlfriend, your girl “friend”, your “girl” friend, your sister, or your wife. Because this pleasure stuff is powerful and heals us and makes us whole. Because feeling good, and making ourselves feel good, makes us better people – better mothers and wives and friends.
Ok, here’s the scoop. I like to think I’m a somewhat together woman. I don’t mean to sound conceited, it’s just that I’m pretty happy with many areas of my life. Knock on wood! I’m not really superstitious, but I also don’t want to invite the evil eye. I mean, we all have our share of troubles, right? But back to happiness for a moment. I’m married to a wonderful if imperfect man. Not a prince, but a real man. Sensitive and emotional, but loving and strong. I’ve got two great kids and have been a committed and conscious parent for many years. I’ve enjoyed my various sales jobs and volunteer positions and many friends. But now, before you groan and drown in all this supposed perfect happiness, I’ll let you in on my shameful secret.
BTW, May is International Masturbation Month. REALLY and Hint, hint! I didn’t do it. Masturbate that is. Pet the kitty. Butter my muffin. Whatever you want to call it. Not nearly enough, for lots of reasons I won’t bore you with right now. And here’s the rub. Really! Because I didn’t rub, I never really learned what I liked. I couldn’t give myself and orgasm, and I certainly couldn’t give my partner the key to my body and my pleasure because I didn’t know where it was hidden!
I must admit that I really despise this about my former self. I had great sex, but that’s because my prince is smart. This guy figured me out, plus he's had more than 20 years to figure me out. Me on the other hand, I needed to do a bunch of work on myself. I had completely abdicated responsibility for my own pleasure to someone else! OMG, that sounds really bad. I hate that! Yes, I know, hate is a really strong word. But my whole life my mantra has been “Stand on your own two feet”, “Make your own money”, and “Marry someone who adores you”. Check, check on the last two. How did I manage to miss being able to get myself off for the first 40 fucking years of my life? And why should you, my darling reader, care?
Damn, this is personal. But important. So I’m sharing. First, I have one main ground rule. Sex is positive. Typically, some of us, usually the female half of the world, are taught that pleasure is not a priority. We’re told to “save” ourselves for marriage. We’re told we’re sluts and whores and bad women if we don’t. Well, I did. I saved myself. And in the process I sort of lost myself too. What I mean is that I excised part of myself. I reduced my sexual self to fit into some acceptable mold, without even realizing I was doing it! I was many things and I was good at a great number of them. I was a dutiful daughter, a kind sister, a loving wife, an attentive mother, a good friend, a successful sales woman, an effective local politician, and a dedicated community member. But never had I been just me, a sexual being who knows her own desires and needs and could speak them. Knowledge is power.
And so, I started. To masturbate. To practice getting to know myself in that way. To better understand what I like. I actually had to learn how to fantasize. I taught myself how to orgasm. I harnessed energy and power I didn’t even know I had! More on how I did all this soon - I promise!
Now, some of you will say that I’m having a mid-life crisis. Only, I don’t feel like I’m in crisis. I feel whole and happy and freaking fantastic. I popped out of the box I had put myself into - and there’s no going back! So please, my darlings, wander a bit down this path with me so I can show you the importance of pleasure. And how to know yourself.
Happy Orgasms & Much Joy!